Child Training

Ok, child training is a hot topic. You read what you can and decide what methods (if any) you want to incorporate. And then you have your second child and you throw it all out the window and start afresh. :) Below are some ramblings of what I found helpful with our sons, as well as some books I read that I enjoyed. The one thing that I have found universal is consistency. Whatever you decide to do, be consistent. We all need to know what the boundaries are.

I was told that child training needs to begin at a really young age - even as young as a couple months old. They say that if you can train your child to obey pretty consistently by the time they are one, your work after that will be much easier. I read somewhere else that if you don't bring your child's will under control by the time they are three, you're in for a harder ride. I don't know if it's true, but that is what I'm striving for.

I have let our son "cry it out" like some books suggest and it has worked great. I know some mothers like to pick up their child each time they fuss, but children eventually need to learn to self-soothe.

With our first I was scared to death that he would suffocate in his crib from the bumper or blanket. We use a mesh/breathable bumper around the crib. It does make the crib look plainer, but I got a little more sleep. Funny thing...he actually scrunches up his blanket and buries his face in it when he goes to sleep. I think I was over-paranoid about suffocation. Once they are big enough to move around, I think they are big enough to turn their head when they can't breath.

He had a blankie that he wouldn't sleep without...so when he was seven or eight months old I took it away so he would learn to sleep without it. I heard that the longer you wait to get rid of "sleep aids," the harder it is. I don't know...a blankie and pacifier are pretty harmless, but we travel quite a bit, and I didn't want a screaming child if I had forgotten the blankie. He is sleeping on his own just fine without the blankie now...but it did take a couple of nights and naps of fussing. :( One thing is true...if you wait too long to get rid of sleep-aids, the battle will be much longer.

When he was a couple months old, he would fuss a little when it was time to eat, but when he saw me coming he would begin to SCREAM. I could tell it was a mad, "why aren't you hurrying up, Mom???" scream. We read somewhere that you can train young babies not to bite while nursing by lightly tapping/flicking them on the cheek with your fingers. Not hard enough to be painful; just enough to startle a little. We tried this and at the same time saying, "no screaming" in a low voice. After a couple of times, he no longer screamed when he saw me coming to feed him.

We also used it when he arched his back and tried to flip over when we changed him. I put the diaper changing station on the floor for a few days. If he arched or tried to turn, I would lightly tap him on the leg and say, "Be still." It took being consistent, but now he doesn't move when I say, "be still." Even if I just lay him down and am not changing him! I don't have to wrestle him now that he's bigger and I don't have to worry about reaching for a diaper and him wiggling off the changing table. The training process was NOT fun, but it didn't take long and the end result has been SO WORTH IT! :)

When he began to crawl I had to figure out what was off-limits and what I would babyproof. When he touched something off-limits (like the fireplace, cords), I would tap/flick his hand a couple of times (or just squeeze it lightly), turn him in a different direction, and say, "Don't touch that. Walk away." After he realized I was serious (consistency is key), I could instruct him from across the room and he would back away and crawl in a different direction. The "walk away" is important to the training because initially he would pull his hand away from the forbidden object, but just stand there until the temptation was too much and then reach out again. This saved me much frustration and kept him safe. He eventually learned what was off-limits and stopped trying to go there.

Also, when he got bigger, tapping wasn't working any more...you can read the below books and decide for yourself what mode of training, if any, you want to use.

Below are some books that we keep handy. I've read them through once...and some more than once. They would be worth getting.

What the Bible Says About Child Training, by J. Richard Fugate
One of the best child training books my husband and I ever read. Train to honor and obey implicitly from 0-5, then train in the "why"s (character) from 5-12...etc. It's opposite to what most people are doing - indulgent when the child is young and then restrictive when they are teenagers. If you only get one book, this would be it. This is worth reading at least once a year.

Babywise 2, by Gary Ezzo
The first part of this book is great on child training! The second is on eating, schedule, etc. (It talks about teaching an infant to play in a playpen during parts of the day...because when he becomes mobile, you will need him to already know how to happily play in one so you can go take a shower or get dinner finished.) I have the next books by Gary Ezzo but haven't read them yet. I didn't use all of his suggestions, but there are many great ideas.

To Train Up A Child, by Michael Pearl
The methods in this book are really down to earth. He is very practical and gives lots of examples. This book is one of my favorites, even though I don't agree with him on everything.

No Greater Joy Volume 1 (and 2 and 3), by Michael Pearl
These books are great, too. Again, some things are a little too strong for me, but I really enjoy them because they give real situations and real, step-by-step answers in how to respond.

Shepherding a Child's Heart, by Tedd Tripp
This is a great book on the philosophy of child training. It's not quite as practical as Michael Pearl's books, but it's worth having in the library and reading it every couple of years.

So there you have it. Even though I've written things pretty matter-of-factly, I've come to these conclusions by trial and error. Often the books are pretty clear, but I'm so uncertain in my own parenting that I second-guess myself and wonder if I'm doing the right thing. It's helpful that my husband has read the books, too. As a result, we're not only on the same page, but he can help keep me balanced.

With our second, I have been much more confident in our method of child-training. I'm sure there will be variations as the children grow, but amazingly enough, I've started sooner and it's taken less time to train.